you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Randomize
