Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
