Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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