last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
