Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
