Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
