hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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