I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize