All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
