1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
