Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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