dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
