i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
