now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
