my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
