If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
