Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
why is half of my head shaved?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
