Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
