what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
