did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
