Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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