I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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