I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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