Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize