Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
