Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
