Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
