apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
