Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
