dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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