I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
