dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
