when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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