I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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