I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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