Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
