Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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