Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
