So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
