going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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