standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
