oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
