She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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