I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
