oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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