OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
