You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
