puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
