he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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