shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
as a side note pls kill me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
