I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
