I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
