Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
