they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I did not marry a roomba.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
