did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize