I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
