remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
