He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
