She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
