Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
